Ahem. Back to knitting.
yarn: so, do you know that you only have a few more days for the Red Scarf project?
yarn: what's taking so long? I mean, its just a scarf, and I'm not some delicate fiber on a toothpick, y'know.
me: well, um, I had trouble getting you into the right pattern.
yarn: yeah, not only that, once you drowned me in koolaid, you weren't that happy with me.
me: I like your color, but you sucked it up so evenly, I wanted more of the hand-dyed look.
yarn: Hello? I am Lion Brand Fishermans Wool, the workhorse of the wools. Not some fancy pants handspun from Name Brand Sheep breeds.
me: I know...but..
yarn: Then you couldn't accept me as I am. First you tried some scalloped stitches, next you got all grouchy on that pattern that you kept screwing up the third line (and it was unsuitable, too. Ha!) Third try, you took out a favorite drop stitch scarf and thought I could be one too, curled around some college student's nice young neck
me: hey, leave necks out of this.
yarn: I didn't say your neck wasn't nice & young, did I? Anyway, you still couldn't accept me. That scarf is baby alpaca. You knit it on thinner needles. Me, I'm no drapey fiber. You double stranded me and what did I become?
me: something that would be perfect for keeping on a sofa for TV watching in a drafty room. Not a scarf to send as a gift. You were big and crafty looking, but not in a post-modern ironic Urban Outfitters way. You're too sproingy for that pattern. No drape.
yarn: Then you finally see me for what I am?
me: yeah. A Fishermans Wool needs a cable and a moss stitch. The reversible cable in the back of Scarf Style is meant for you. (see Suzanne? I do use the book!) And if you'll just be quiet, you'll be at Einstein Bagels by Tuesday...
yarn: Norma's right. They're just gonna plotz .